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50-59
Sheila Forman
breast cancer
stage three

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on my birthday, Oct. 16, 2000. I found the lump myself. Had just seen my gynecologist in June, but no such discovery was made. I was wisked away to a breast center at St. Judes for a mammogram, ultra sound, core biopsy and diagnois of stage IIB, IIIA breast cancer; lump size 3cm. with a lymph node under left arm involved. Treatment plan was 4 chemotherapy treatments (to stop the growth), mastectomy, then radiation. After 2 treatments, the lymph node under the arm disappeared and oncologist or Surgeon could not find lump. Had third chemotherapy, then another mammogram and ultra sound. Treatment plan changed…The thought was my breast could be saved. I would have lymph nodes removed and some breast tissue. Completed the fourth chemotherapy, had surgery 2/20/01 to remove 13 lymph nodes and some breast tissue, still healing from two incisions and stitches. Follow up visit to Surgeon who had met with oncologist and radiation therapist recommended that I would need a mastectomy anyway because the margins were too small after removal of tissue. That was the emotional crunch. I had initially planned to lose the breast and geared up for that, but then during treatment got hopes up because of the results and the possibility of retaining breast. Now, sitting here still healing from last surgery contemplating losing the breast in surgery scheduled for 3/l5/01.

Splat, like a slap in the face that won't stop burning. Being human, the disappointment is great. I'm still sore and every time I move my left arm I am reminded that I can because I am alive. Alive with two incisions that hurt (my pain tolerance is darn high, too). I've had a couple of days to get myself used to the idea of a mastectomy, and I have two weeks until the surgery, so that will sure give me some time to think.

What keeps me going is the continual thought that I am still very blessed. There are so many kids and so many others who have undergone so many more treatments and pain and don't know their prognosis. I can lose a breast and live. I truly believe, after attending a couple of breast cancer support group meetings at St. Judes women's medical center in Fullerton, CA (the most compassionate staff) that cancer patients at all stages are some of the strongest (emotionally) I have met in my life and I'm 54 years old. What choice do they have. You just live life. You deal with whatever comes your way because the other choices aren't choices if you love life. You ask God to give you the strength to be strong for your family as well as yourself and you get up each day and live.

I think my hair should start growing back any day now and that is a real plus when you've lost hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. You really are thankful for so many little things that others don't see. You really do look at your face in a whole different light. You really see you. My prayers to all for a speedy recovery. Thanks for letting me share.

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