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40-49
Amy
breast cancer
stage one

I had a lumpectomy on July 12th of last year for a suspicious lump. My sister had been diagnosed 11 month before with Ovarian, and had just finished chemotherapy.  I had been in for a mammogram 9 months before, and my daughter had accidentally bumped my breast while playing, we were sure it was a calcified mass.  It was breast cancer. I was told I needed a mastectomy, and that I had a very aggressive form of cancer, luckily it wasn't in my lymph nodes.  My Father died of Lung cancer 10 years ago (his birthday was the day of my lumpectomy) and his Mother had died when I was 18 of Breast Cancer.

I made it through my 4 rounds of chemotherapy without getting very sick, and managed to work through the whole thing.  My hair fell out, and grew back.  I had the tram flap in December and began a diet in January.  I've lost 30 pounds.  My attitude and mood through the whole thing has been very good.  Now that its over......NOW I'm depressed.  Go figure.

I'm tired of people sending me stories about the "Gift" of Breast cancer and maudlin poetry written by someone who died of Breast cancer.  I'm tired of folks telling me I need to wash my vegetables, (no duh) and stop drinking milk.  Everyone seems to have the answer now as to how I could have avoided this and how to keep my daughter from coming down with the same thing.  I know they mean well but it really gets old.

On a more positive note, I AM grateful to be alive.  I know that this will pass, and that I have a second chance at life.  And yes, there have been positive things about this experience.  Here are just a few.

1.  I have less fear of many things now.  It is hard to be afraid of a crabby boss or spouse after facing a monster and beating it back. I won!  Maybe forever, and maybe just the first round, but it is a victory nevertheless.

2.  Some things just don't matter anymore.  No I'm not younger, I still can't play the piano, and I may never reach an executive position.  Who cares.  I have a lot to be grateful for, and I plan on enjoying as much as I can.  Further, I can look at what I have accomplished with some satisfaction instead of focusing on what I haven't.

3.  I still have my Sister.  She has always been a source of strength and inspiration for me.  Someone I can look up to and aspire to be like.  I thank God every day for giving us more time, and I hope I never forget what a precious gift time is.

Thanks for letting me share.

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